Listen! Do you see that tree? Can I take a picture- implied a Georgian guy to a photographer! Of course you can! Where exactly do you want to stand? Underneath, next to or on the tree? - Asked photographer! Georgian replies: "NO! I want to take a picture behind the tree! And send that photo to my mother, so when she sees the picture she won't see me on it and she will be wondering where am I and then I will jump out of the tree and surprise her!

A really hairy Georgian guy is lying on the sofa, tearing his hair off the body and crying and laughing at the same time, while taking the ripped hair and placing it accurately in the bag. What has happened? -Members of family are asking. The guy replies: Georgia has failed to fulfill a quota on fur, so the communists punished us by paying it off with our own hair. Hurts like a bitch! But then I remind myself that Armenia could not fulfill plan on balls (eggs), and that makes me laugh!

A certain Georgian goes to a newspaper headquarters to write a note about the death of his wife! When he gets there he asks about the fee per each word! It turns out that service charges 5 bucks per word. With sad face the guy pulls out a ten-dollar bill and tells a clerk to write two words: Tamara died!" and left the room. Redactor saw a sad face on the man and decided to grant him 5 or 6 extra words for free. Next thing, a happy Georgian guy comes flying into the room to thank the director: Thank you my dear friend! Can you just add to the first two words that I am also selling my car (Zhigyli) and it is in a great condition and looks brand new!

A Georgian brought his son to the sea, because his son has never seen an ocean before. So, they are standing on the seacoast talking. See, my son, this is a sea! Where is it? - Asked the little boy! Right in front of you, my son! -Replies the father. Where is it? I can't see? - Implies the little boy. Here, here it is (pointing right in front of himself) Where? Here, here, here! (the father grabs his boy and wets him with the water) Hey daddy! What was it? It was the sea! - Where?

One Soviet comrade was driving through a mountainous road! A Georgian military policeman stops him and says: -Hey, you were driving fast, I need you to write a self-explanatory note! The Soviet replies-what do you mean by the note? Georgian replies: Well you have to write a note and in Georgian language! The Soviet surprisingly looks at the policeman and says: I do not know Georgian language, for I cannot write that note! Policeman insisted: Well write the way you know then! The Soviet thought for a moment and then took out a dollar bill and put it in his driver's license and gave it to the policeman! When a Georgian policeman opened the documents, he smiled and happily replied: And you were saying that you don't know Georgian! You have already written half of your explanatory note!

One Georgian guy walked into the Lingerie Store. Could you please find me biggest underwear (panties) that your store carries! After being helped with this query, man replied: When she comes to buy this piece of underwear let her call me!

A policeman stops one Georgian driving in Volga car! - Can I have your drives license please! - Here you go, sir-replies the driver! Policeman looks at the license and replies: Do you know that this license is for driving an airplane TY154? The Georgian replied- Well, what the hell do you want from me? I bought the license that was available to be bought!

On a train trip, a certain mother explains her son, how little kids are created. Well, says mother, first you take a piece of clay, then you make the shape of a baby and then if you put that clay statue in the milk, you will get a boy and if you put that in water, a little girl will be born! A Georgian guy, overhearing the story, with a great shock asks the lady: What are you saying? Do you mean the old way of making kids has been canceled!?!?!?!

During archeological findings near Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia, an old metal dish was found that had writing on it indicating how old that dish was. The writing read "Tbilisi, 5th century BCE (before the Christ). " Georgians start to celebrate this event, for this piece of archeology indicated that Tbilisi proved to be an oldest historical capital. Proud Armenians, located next door to Georgia, decided to take a piece of metallic dish and before burying it deep in the soil, wrote "Erevan 10th century BCE". And one-month later archeologists discovered the dish! Erevan is celebrating to be the oldest capital in Caucasus, even older than the Georgian capital! Georgia in turn requested an expertise from the United States by sending both dishes to America in order to prove in fact who holds the honor to be the oldest capital! After couple of months, an answer was sent back: On the dish that was found in Georgia it says Tbilisi, 5th century BCE, and on the dish that was found in Armenia says Erevan, 10th century BCE, and on the other side of that dish there also a writing: "Aluminum Factory of Tbilisi!"

A young lady is traveling by the bus with a little baby boy, and right next to her a Georgian guy has a seat. The young mother is trying to feed her little son, but the baby does not want to be fed and turns his head away from his mother' s breast. To that reaction, a young mother threatens her baby that if he is refusing to be fed then she will give her breast to the man next to her. Georgian tensely is watching the scene and finally implies Hey, lady! Decide right now what you are going to do, or this is the third stop that I have missed so far!

Through a mountainous Caucasian road a Georgian fellow is driving fast in his Zhigyli car. While going through a village he accidentally drives over a pig, unable to stop on time due to a high speed. A Georgian gets out of the car and carefully looks around if anyone has seen what has happened. Noticing that there was no one around he decides to put a dead pig in his trunk. Suddenly an owner of an animal comes out holding a gun: Please don't tell me that you are taking that pig to the hospital!

Two Georgians decided to obtain fame in their village by buying a huge elephant. As it is known an elephant is a big animal, thus it could not fit into one apartment. To resolve this problem they decide to break the wall between their apartments so the elephant could fit into the apartment. One of Georgians decides to save money and offered his neighbor a deal. "My friend, he says- why not you keep the head part of the elephant in your apartment and the rest part in mine." After two weeks the "smart" Georgian runs over to his neighbor: "my dear friend! Let's switch the parts of body other way around! Now I want to feed the animal! It is my turn!"

In Georgian University there is an announcement: There are no exams! All of the tickets have been sold out!"

A little boy runs up to a man in Tbilisi and passes him a verbal message: Dear Uncle, your friend Vano told me to tell you that you should call him on his cell phone! - Thank you my dear pager!!!

Hey honey!!! Do you want to use condoms during the intercourse? - Yes, it would be better to use it! -Answers the girl. A Georgian man puts on the condom while at the same time puts hydrogen mask on his face. Surprised by this unusual procedure, a girl asks her partner: Why did you put that mask on? And Georgian replies: Well, because I don't like the smell of a burnt rubber!!!!!!

Two Georgians meet each other. One says to another: You know! Women are like a Record. You listen to it once, and that's it, you are too sick of it to listen to it again. The other Georgian replies: Why are you saying such things, my friend! You listen to it once, then turn it around and keep on listening!!!!

Georgian has been asked what is his favorite bird. On that question he answers: Well, it would be a hawk! - Why? Because it is strong and lives in the mountains? - Well, no!-answers the Georgian! I like that bird because of its beautiful nose!!!

Young women are swimming in the Black Sea. Suddenly somebody under the water starts to undress them! The ladies start to cry for help! -Voice under the water replies: Be quite girlies! It's us! The friendly georgian dolphins!!

In the subway, a woman asks a man: Can you move your suitcase? -A man replies: This is not a suitcase, it is in fact my wallet!!

One Georgian guy goes into the ladies bathroom and is taking piss. A woman walks in and terrified with the scene starts screaming at the man: What the hell are you doing here! This is for women! -The Georgian man turns around, shaking off his penis and says: And what do you think this thing is for! For men!?!?!?!?!?

One Georgian man got married to a young student. After a dinner in a nice restaurant, they come home, and the girl undresses and lies herself in bed. When the Georgian saw this, he goes: You! Don't play those student moves on me! Go, put your clothes on and pretend to resist my affectionate attacks!

Two Georgians run into each other. One says to another: My friend Givi! Do you know what kind of dream I had yesterday! Well, I was wearing wearing white tuxedo, white hat, and white shoes and on top of everything else I was driving a white Mercedes SLK500 up and down, up and down the Rystaveli Street! The other Georgian says: Well, I had this amazing dream! I was having sex with 10 women at the same time! First Georgian asks: And where the hell was I? Well, answers the other Georgian, You were driving a white Mercedes up and down, up and down the Rystaveli Street!

One Georgian guy got kicked out of the Art Club. His friend goes to visit him to pay pity: My friend! What has happened? Why did they kick you out?! What did you draw? Well-answers the other Georgian - I drew a picture called "Motherhood". Well-asks his friend-so what was wrong with it! Sounds like a good topic to me! You know-answers the other-Imagine! On the picture there was a beautiful nature, huge wheat field…I drew this beautiful, voluptuous naked woman and a boy sucking her sensuous breast! The other Georgian surprised asks his friend: So why the hell did they kick you out? What did you do wrong! The other replies: Well they have decided that I made the boy too oversized!

A Georgian man's wife is having a baby at the hospital. All happy and excited the husband asks a nurse: Well, is my wives labor over? -Yes-implies the nurse-Is it a boy? -Asks the Georgian-No-say the nurse-Then what the hell is it?

In sunny Republic of Georgia, a policeman stops a reckless driver, for driving through a set of red lights! You have to write a self-explanatory note! The driver, without even thinking for a second, takes three-dollar bill, puts it in his driver's license and passes it to the policeman! "My friend! -Replies the lights did you drive through? - Red-replies the driver! - Then why the hell are you writing that you were driving through green?